As a wife and mother to three, I am constantly needing to check my attitude and repent from bitterness. Bitterness can begin to build up anytime our expectations go unmet or we don’t feel as if the people around us appreciate our efforts. A perfect breeding ground for bitterness is any circumstance or relationship where we are keeping score.

Even if you are someone who enjoys staying busy and strives to serve and please others, it can be very discouraging to feel that your team, family, or spouse isn’t pulling their weight or doesn’t seem grateful for the hard work you put in. Anytime you find yourself feeling invisible, undervalued, or disappointed, the enemy will try to leverage that emotion to make you believe you are a victim and that you have a “right’ to hold a grudge and withhold unconditional love and forgiveness.

“For I see that you are in the gall of bitterness and in the bond of iniquity.” Acts 8:23 This verse describes a man named Simon, who in the bible sought to gain the power of the Holy Spirit and purchase it, not for purposes of God, but for his own recognition and benefit. He failed to understand that salvation is a free gift and cannot be bought or earned by earthly deeds. When we live our lives from this perspective, we will always live in lack. But when we find true joy and freedom in Christ, admiring his capabilities instead of our own we can live a life of contentment.

"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God, and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15 To combat bitterness taking root in our relationships, we can turn to God and remember that in the eyes of our heavenly father we are deeply valued and treasured. God is a witness to each mundane moment of our life and he sees the posture of our heart and all that we do to love and serve others.

I always think of how Jesus washed the disciples feet before he gave up his life for us. He DID NOT tell the disciples, “Hey, I’ll do your feet then you do mine.” He wasn’t worried about his needs or desires being met. He was more interested in serving then receiving. Studying his interactions teaches us so much about the meaning of selfless love and servant leadership. When I offer my husband a back massage and I am only doing it because I am hoping he will return the favor, I am doing it for the wrong reasons. I find the more we practice serving and volunteering our time without expectation, God meets our needs in creative ways when we least expect it. Not because he owes anything, but because he loves us as his children and has promised to meet our needs.

If we want to experience peace and contentment in our life and relationships, we have to seek God’s approval and not the approval of man. Devoting your life to Christ means seeking to renew your mind and soften your heart so that God can mold you more into his image. Jesus makes it clear in the Bible that the greatest two commandments are to love God and to love others. If you seek to glorify God in all your pursuits then we are not performing for the glory of man. We are not trying to impress the people around us. We are not trying to earn an earthly crown. We aren’t even trying to make sure things feel fair.

If we are living to please the Lord, and not man, then we can learn to forgive others when they disappoint us. f we are living to please the Lord, then we can practice seeking his presence when we identify our need for affirmation. God will meet you where you are and give you spiritual satisfaction and true joy. It is easy to get caught up seeking God’s hand to bring about fairness in our lives or to give us earthly rewards for our faithfulness. When, instead, we seek God’s face and relationship with Him, he heals our wounds and transforms the desires of our hearts. Less of my thoughts, emotions, and expectations and and more time worshipping him, confessing our feelings to him, and listening to his wisdom.

If we operate out of appreciation for what Jesus did for us on the cross and the desire to know our heavenly father and obey his will for our life, we can more easily weed out the enemy’s attempts to focus on our perceived “right” to be bitter when life doesn’t feel fair, when other people fail to meet our expectations, or when you’re feeling underappreciated for your hard work. We can revisit the Gospel message and live in remembrance of Christ’s sacrifice for us so that we are encouraged to continue to serve sacrificially in gratitude for what has been done for us.

Verses to meditate on about contentment:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:31-32

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15